I’ll just keep walking, regardless of my “obligations” because this is what I need to do today to come back to myself.
(from my journal – August 2011)
Sometimes that is all I can do.
I wake up, and once the kids are off to school or I have a moment to slip away from everything that is begging for my attention—I walk.
I put one foot in front of the other until I feel strong enough to keep going. I breathe in the fresh air, taking note of the particular hue of blue that stretches across the day’s sky. And if it’s sunny, I lift my face, letting the warmth of the sun penetrate my soul.
Sometimes the monotony of one foot after the other lulls me into a peaceful and contemplative mood. Sometimes it simply lets my mind rest as I focus on nothing but the movement of my body. There are many times I need that rest–many times I need to quiet the chaos in my head.
I can’t count the number of days I have walked in the early morning hours, listening to the silence that is anything but silent, rather it is a symphony of birdsong and life. I’ve even walked in the rain and the freezing bite of winter’s sleet.
How many miles have I walked by now? A part of me wishes to make it a goal to walk 2,500 miles—the distance from here to Puerto Escondido, Oaxaca, Mexico. How many days will it take? And will I be fully healed by then?
Others have done crazier things for the sake of finding themselves…
Perhaps I’ve already walked that distance, because this is what I do when the sadness overwhelms me, when the days have run together and I can’t tear them apart. This is what I do when I want to run out the door, barefoot in my nightgown, ready to scream—not able to take the stress anymore.
It’s not easy to be a fully devoted, loving mother and wife, creative artist, and an entrepreneur when you can’t find the patience to love yourself—when the depression hits so hard you can barely breathe.
Most of the time, walking works to bring me back to myself.
By the time I’ve rounded the turn that will bring me to the doorstep of my home, I am calm—sometimes I am even grateful for the upheaval that sent me out the door in the first place because it caught my attention. It made me aware of something that isn’t quite right. It made me realize that something needs to shift—that there needs to be change.
And most of the time, I am the one that needs to change. I am the one that needs to let go of fear, doubt, and worry so I can become clear headed again and have faith that I’m on the right path, that the future will provide what is necessary.
Today I walked five miles, slipped into a timeless state of being while photographing the world around me, and came to the realization that I have been treating my body as the enemy…perhaps I’ll share more with you on that later, but for now…just know that it was a good five miles.
I feel alive and peaceful again.
And I have a new goal: to walk each day, photograph my route, and reflect on whatever comes to my attention as I track the miles I travel. Who knows, perhaps I’ll walk that metaphorical 2,500 miles to Puerto Escondido and share the journey with you here!
With love and encouragement,
P.S. All photos were taken with my iPhone and Instagram. Follow me here.
Use Facebook to Comment on this Post
|Have You Had Your Harajuku Moment?||Morning Miles : Natureland County Park 5.15.13|
|Have You Had Your Harajuku Moment?|
|Morning Miles : Natureland County Park 5.15.13|