I’m here. I made it to Iowa! Yesterday I attended the first class of my weeklong writer’s workshop with Hope Edelman and 11 other amazingly talented women. We had our orientation Sunday night and I’m excited that our stories already seem to be bringing us together. It simply astonishes me how powerful our stories can be…how easily they can open us up to connect deeply with complete strangers. We are, without doubt, linked to all of humanity through our varied hardships.
It’s hard to believe that it was only a month ago that I was talking to my husband and voicing my need to get away in order to dedicate at least a week to my writing…just to see where it could go. When I released my desire out into the world, I didn’t quite think it could happen. I’ve never been away from my daughter for more than a night or two and we didn’t have enough money for a vacation—let alone a savings account! The oven hasn’t worked for nearly 3 months now, and the rest of our property tax is due at the end of the month. Believe me—I have the life of the starving artist down!!
The fact that I am here now, is just simply amazing. And I am filled with gratitude.
I truly believe we set our own limitations. And that the only things that are really holding us back in life are the limiting beliefs we place on ourselves. Once those beliefs are extinguished we hold the inherent power to bring to us what we desire most. And I guarantee that what you desire is not a superficial thing. There is something in that desire that nourishes your soul and is essential to your survival.
In order for me to manifest my own dreams and be in the folds of this opportunity I had to do several things:
- I had to believe that I was worth the investment
- I had to believe that my talent was worthy, as well
- I had to set aside negative thinking and self-doubt; those evil monikers of fear
- I had to let go of something that no longer served me, regardless of my emotional attachment to it
- I had to have faith that every other financial need and responsibility would work out
- I had to trust that my family could survive without me for a week or two and be the better for it
- I had to stand up for myself and let others know how important this was for me
The hardest part was allowing myself to believe in my talents and my abilities. I am my own worst critic and have often been quick to pass judgment. I don’t usually worry too much about external approval…but that is usually because I am so preoccupied by trying to live up to my own excessively high standards. Yet once I became more compassionate towards myself, it slowly became easier to BELIEVE in myself.
Now, I am blessed with this week in Iowa to see what else I can manifest. I can’t believe I am sitting in this little attic room that I am renting in Iowa City, looking out over a quaint little garden and writing in complete solitude! For one week I can just be me. I don’t have to worry about the kids, the house, the husband, the dogs…I can just breathe…and write. And it feels amazing. Yet I do miss my family, and my daughter is taking it hard at night. I’m so grateful that my husband is willing to be there for her in order for me to do this. And I don’t take for granted that I am incredibly blessed to have his complete support in all my endeavors.
Later, I will be attending class…hearing more about other people’s inspiring stories, learning valuable information, reassessing my approach to my own story, and quite simply: living.
As a result of believing in myself and making the conscious effort to bring what I not only desired, but essentially needed into my life…I have set into motion a whole new course for my future. And it is one that I wake each day to meet with excitement and wonder.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ……. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do…. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
~ Marianne Williamson
I am giving you permission to shine.
And I’m curious to know: What do you desire most? What is missing in your life? What is your dream?
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|Give Yourself Permission||Trust the Process: Confessions of a Self-Saboteur|
|Give Yourself Permission|
|Trust the Process: Confessions of a Self-Saboteur|