Be Still. Have Faith.

This journal entry that I am sharing with you was originally written on November 15, 2011…approximately one month before my back gave out with a herniated disc and put me on bed rest for the next 3 months. I believe it was an intuitive warning, that if I didn’t let go of the constant state of stress and fear that I had been living in, that my body would make sure I stopped to reassess my priorities.

How hard it is to hold myself still…to let life be and simply be in it. How hard it is to stop dictating, controlling, planning, pushing, and striving for an answer.

I feel on the verge of collapse. My body aches. My back sends pain down my legs. Every time I try to think of a solution or a direction to pursue, I’m held immobile and overcome by panic, grief, stress. The emotions well up within me so strongly, I feel as if my whole body is burning.

It’s as if my mind and body are refusing to go any further.

“Be still,” they tell me.

“But how can I be still when…” I begin to counter.

“Shh…have faith. It will all work as it should,” they reply.

“But what about those bills, my husband losing his job, my lack of work, the kids, the needs, the wants…” I rush.

“You need to redefine everything,” that quiet voice in my subconscious tells me. “You need to remember what is most important, and the rest will fall into place.”

If I am still, and silent, I can hear the gentle whispers of that voice and they calm me. It’s only when I start to react to life without thinking, or push to have a plan that this other person (perhaps the me that is my false self) comes forward, and that person breeds stress. So much stress, fear, and panic that it feeds into everyone around me, until suddenly I feel the need to run, to hide, to cry.

If I listen, though, I become aware…I feel alive and awake, and life suddenly drips with meaning and possibility. How to stay there, though, on that curious ledge of possibility without falling forward into expectation? That is another matter.

And I wonder, how do I just let life happen without expectation, worry, or fear?

And then I am reminded once again to be still, to have faith, and to live in this moment with an awareness of what matters most.

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A Step in the Right Direction… Give Yourself Permission
A Step in the Right Direction…
Give Yourself Permission

The author

About Darcey: My life is my message. ~ Ghandi This is me exploring, searching, trying...working towards becoming the truest version of my self that will help impact the world in a positive way.

Comments to “Be Still. Have Faith.”

  1. Darcey,
    this is wonderful and totally & beautifully describes that scared & exhausted little girl I met all those months ago. Secretly, I knew you would blossom into a strong and beautiful young woman who can change lives with her words :)

    • Administrator

      Thank you, thank you, thank you Susan…I am so incredibly grateful that I met you when I did. You have helped me get to where I am now! I couldn’t have done it alone :)


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