How hard it is to hold myself still…to let life be and simply be in it. How hard it is to stop dictating, controlling, planning, pushing, and striving for an answer.
I feel on the verge of collapse. My body aches. My back sends pain down my legs. Every time I try to think of a solution or a direction to pursue, I’m held immobile and overcome by panic, grief, stress. The emotions well up within me so strongly, I feel as if my whole body is burning.
It’s as if my mind and body are refusing to go any further.
“Be still,” they tell me.
“But how can I be still when…” I begin to counter.
“Shh…have faith. It will all work as it should,” they reply.
“But what about those bills, my husband losing his job, my lack of work, the kids, the needs, the wants…” I rush.
“You need to redefine everything,” that quiet voice in my subconscious tells me. “You need to remember what is most important, and the rest will fall into place.”
If I am still, and silent, I can hear the gentle whispers of that voice and they calm me. It’s only when I start to react to life without thinking, or push to have a plan that this other person (perhaps the me that is my false self) comes forward, and that person breeds stress. So much stress, fear, and panic that it feeds into everyone around me, until suddenly I feel the need to run, to hide, to cry.
If I listen, though, I become aware…I feel alive and awake, and life suddenly drips with meaning and possibility. How to stay there, though, on that curious ledge of possibility without falling forward into expectation? That is another matter.
And I wonder, how do I just let life happen without expectation, worry, or fear?
And then I am reminded once again to be still, to have faith, and to live in this moment with an awareness of what matters most.
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|A Step in the Right Direction…||Give Yourself Permission|
|A Step in the Right Direction…|
|Give Yourself Permission|